She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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