the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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