This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I will pee on everything he values.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize