I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
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So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
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Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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