Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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