Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
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Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
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5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
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