She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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