Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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