weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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