Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
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It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
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are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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