if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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