I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
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