Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
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Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
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Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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