She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize