I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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