omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
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conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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