I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
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I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
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Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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