I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
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TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
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Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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