i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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