had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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