so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
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You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
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You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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