Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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