Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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