You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
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My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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