I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
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I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
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We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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