well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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