don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
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God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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