I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
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I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
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we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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