long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize