in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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