I hate your face
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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