All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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