i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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