Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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