Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
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there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
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Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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