dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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