he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize