I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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