The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize