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so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
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