but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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