He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Houston, we have a squirter
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just high enough for therapy.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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