from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Randomize