Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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