Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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