Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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