I wish I only lived at night.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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