I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize