he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
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I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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