I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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