I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
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My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
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