What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
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I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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